Max doesn’t like lima beans. But Max lives in Limabean County, where the lima bean farmers, the menu at the local diner, and the annual Lima Days festival make it hard for him to express his true nature. So, to fit in, he chokes down the mealy little booger-beans as best he can. This doesn’t make Max a lima bean lover. It makes him a guy who alters his behavior to gain acceptance. His behavior doesn’t change his basic orientation as someone who doesn’t like lima beans.
All this pretending depresses Max. So he seeks out a man named Marcus, who runs an operation that promises to help people learn to love lima beans. (The farmers love his work; also, he accepts Medicaid.) They school Max in plant biology, and in the glory of the Green Giant’s wondrous bounty, and tell him that while savoring a delectable (yet imaginary) pinto bean is tempting, it is sinful and wrong. They feed him pinto and ipecac salad. Lo and behold, Max feels even worse than he did before he came to see Marcus. And he never does learn to like lima beans. But because he continues to eat them, especially in Marcus’ presence, Marcus claims Max as a convert and crows about his success.
Max feels defeated and continues to live his life miserably as a grimly self-identifying lima bean eater, forgoing the pleasures of his beloved pinto bean. He dies withered and alone — and canonized.
The moral of the story: Don’t pray away what’s okay.
Hat tips to mi hermano David Virden, and to Edward Everett Horton for narrating the original Rocky and Bullwinkle FFT.
1 response so far ↓
I like three-bean salad.